35 and immensely grateful to be alive

No more special treatment online and offline

Stop trying to get close to me because you are attention and love deprived in your own lives. I know I have always said and proclaimed many things and tried my best to be there for others but I am retracting all of it as it has been to my detriment. Helping others should not be harming me in the process. So I digress and I confess that I am not and can not be there for all the so-called lost souls. Find God and find yourselves without me.

Go find an online community that offers support to other people with mommy, daddy or case of the ex issues

I have learnt through personal experiences and that of my loved ones that we all have issues.  Deep-seated, complex issues that we all are navigating through while still living life as best as we can. The blessing of this is that we have our support systems within our circles. We have healthy outlets for stress relief and tension release and we do our best to not hold and bare grudges.

Our hurts do not need to be a lifelong crutch that we need to carry around with us, because we start to identify with them. Put down that crutch and walk tall. We are safe now. The healing is in process. Let our wounds heal.

I am not Dr Phil, I am not Oprah
And I am not CPS

Since a teenager, I have witnessed abuse, been abused and misused myself and now as an adult heading into her forties ( God willing) I can not tolerate it anymore. I can not just say or think: Let go and let God.  As a messenger and instrument of Creation, I am compelled to do something, that is how I take action to help myself and others through my work. The Guidance comes from within.

I want to follow the ” see something say something ” call to action and bring more awareness to our communities’ attention. The adults are acting like kids and the kids are forced to be the adults and parents of households where they should be focusing on their studies and hanging out with their friends, not how they will get through the week and have enough food and drink to feed 10 people in a two breadwinner low-income household.

It is not okay that people are beating on their kids, spouses, partners, pets, and elderly and thinking a prayer or asking for forgiveness excuses it.

Get Help. It is FREE. Get out of your environment, if you can. If you are stuck between a rock and a hard place, go to church / the mosque / a temple and seek counselling there. You deserve to receive help and be freed from your burdens. Sorry that nobody told you this before but I am here as a messenger telling you there is help. Search for NGOs or NPOs in your surroundings and go to them, they usually have free brochures and dedicated caseworkers who protect your privacy and help you with your issues. Ask around about community development projects that use art and music to help people who have to deal with domestic disputes. They can teach you and enable you with new skills and help you with anything from beadwork to pottery and learning a musical instrument. You have nothing to lose and so much independence and self-worth to gain. This counts for our men as well. You don’t only have to play sports, go learn carpentry, landscaping and gardening and start your own small businesses. People from the LBGTQIA community there are many programs that are available and looking for new members, stakeholders and alleys. Find out for yourselves and if it is not for you, try another avenue until you find your home away from home.

I am begging you, please do not self- destruct. Rather rebuild on a new foundation of faith and self- preservation.

If you are a man, we don’t need another death by suicide, if you are a woman, we don’t need another death by domestic violence. If you are from the youth we don’t want you to overdose or drink your pain away. We want you to talk about it and heal. Learn to dance, find your passions, and please do it for yourself and inspire others around you.

Plea to parents and guardians of minors

Stop enslaving your kids with your addictions, your suffering, your hangups, your dysfunctions and your traumas. Let your kids live and thrive even if you come from a low-income household, even if there is not much to offer them. Give them your attention and support. They are much brighter and more talented than you can imagine but they need their parents’ and families’ support. It is your duty to parent them, not be their besties then you wonder why they turn out as rotten apples later in life. It might be because you did not allow them to let their lives their natural course. Empower them. Don’t enslave them with your responsibilities. They already have their own.

Plea to educators and community leaders, artists and personalities, influencers etc.

Don’t prey on these kids. Pray for these kids. Be a guidepost for them. Teach and model to them what is morally correct and incorrect. I know it is not what you signed up for, but school, church and community spaces are their homes away from homes. Help them become independent and free thinkers and also guide them on moralism. They need not parrot and copy what they see on TV or on social media if it is the latest trend. What if underage drinking is the latest trend ? ( Which it already is). Teenagers have died from alcohol poisoning and gone missing from drug misuse all because of wanting to fit in. Fit into what exactly? An early grave? a kidnapper’s boot? Help to set or reset their moral compass to that of love, dignity and respect.

So they know how to discern even when they are alone and in a bad crowd or thinking they are doing things for fun or to fit in, but that can also destroy them if they are turning to gangsterism, scamming people, or whatever challenges the youth face. Because their choices will have consequences when they graduate and look for jobs and have wrap sheets or a dark past that might prevent them from moving onward and upward. Their choices of romantic relationships can also break them. Stop encouraging your children ( even adult children) to date rich or marry rich. That financial security might come with spousal abuse, which will put your son or daughter through hell and they will fall victim to battered woman/ man syndrome, have health issues, struggle to find work or be independent then you will be at fault for miseducating your own flesh and blood. Then if they have their own children your grandchildren will be at risk as well. It is good and bad in the rich and poor communities. Don’t sell out your own legacies for a few rands. Your kids deserve more. They truly are priceless. Rather build your own legacies, even if it might take longer, it will be yours and there will be peace and health. Not broken pieces of hell.

Thots and trolls are everywhere

I am using the American slang term thot and troll Afrikaans term willie -werkers as that is who I am referring to here. If this is the choice you have made, to not work but wish to have a high-maintenance lifestyle and doing it at the financial exspense of others, don’t target people who are giving and kind and not expect them to get fed up with your nonsense. Take responsibility and accountability for your own life and work, do labour, put in hours, build your own bridges and work for your piece of the pie. Stop leeching and playing people off against each other so you can benefit from them feeling sorry for you. What you are doing is not only wrong but immoral and disrespectful. So pay them back or pay it forward in your next chapter.

You either work hard or smart or both. Do nothing then you will get nothing, not so?

If you don’t do the work and expect to earn something for nothing you are leeching.You are illegal squatters and you are a waste of space and resources in this world. We are still in a global pandemic. Nobody has it easy right now. Many households have never had it easy, so you have no right to add insult to generational injuries. We are all just trying to adapt and make the best of the worst situation that we are all in. Read that again. We are all in this, trying to hold our own so we can not hold others’ burdens as well. Carry your own baggage. Attempt to fill your own cup. Don’t borrow others’ cups. Clean your cup. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

The I am poor I don’t have money narrative

Apply for a sassa grant then, it is in our constitution that if you are living in poverty that you qualify for a goverment grant. Stop borrowing money from people who are not banks and do you favours out of the kindness of their hearts and then not want to pay them back because you are friends or family or you thought it was a gift. Pay up what you owe people. Everyone has financial responsibilities. That is adulting. That is life. Live it or check into a cheap motel. And take a step back and thank that person as you have no idea what that money was intended for. They made room for you to help you out then you repay them, but not repaying them. If you are financially illiterate, educate yourself. And yes, high- income households also do the borrowing when there is no savingsplan or discipline becuase everyone wants to spend spend spend while only one person is earning. Learn to earn. It takes time, but we all can do it. Use that free wifi you watch memes with to find  business opportunities and work for your income.

Being from the same race or same community grants you freebies discounts and laybyes.

No. NO and N.O. That is NOT an OPTION in my book. Understand it and respect it. And stop trying to blackball me because you did not get your cheapskate and entitled needs met. It is close to a decade now that I have felt ashamed of not being able to pay my fellow creatives what they charge, because I have not gotten paid for what I charged and now in this decade I have taken my power back and put the respect back on my name and my work. My company is registered. I have the tertiary qualifications, I have international experience, a multi- disciplinary skillset, have done and paid for my own courses, have attened mentorships, I continually sharpen my tools, I take guidance from others who are more experienced than I am and are succeeding and doing well for themselves and I have built and continue to put systems in place that works for me and my projects and business ventures.

Pay us what we charge, not what you believe we deserve or are worth.

I could write a book on this, but I will save that for another occasion. Long story short, pay us what we charge. We understand that not everyone can afford everything all at once. Especially in the communities of colour. Everyone wants and has access, everyone wants and wishes to own art, or get a professional photoshoot, or shoot a music video or festival reel, or want professional make- up done for their matric ball or 21st. Then do your home work, find out the prices and save up for it! It is really that simple. Many of us struggle, not becuase we lack income, it is because some people wish to bully or manipulate us into lowering our prices because they think we are not worth it. And I have witnessed this first hand. Prime example: Matric ball car hire R2000, paid in full to the driver without blinking an eye, as cars are popular and it makes you look cool on photos for the 5 minutes that you spent in it.

Photoshoot price: Also R 2000, Oh no, it is too expensive. Meanwhile that photographer has to spend up to two hours on your and your partner’s before, after and during pics, they have to go home and edit it. Then you want them immidiately and you bother them after hours, they have to act professional because they want to keep and build their reputation while losing sleep, passion, time with their kids and family, for your photos and then you sometimes only pay them half. It seems to expensive to you, just ask your friends to take pics on their smartphones and use an editing app and do it yourself.

Same example this time with poetry, motivational speaking or speech/master of ceremonies, which also happens to be part of my skill set and services. Prices start at R750, which is competitive according to industry researched pricing. People want to contact me two days before the time and expect miracles. I have a two week in advance policy and 50% deposit so that you are ensured of my services and I put you on my agenda and follow the brief.

Again, potencial clients, repsect our time, respect our terms and conditions and if you can not afford us, do it yourselves. WE mean you no harm. So stop harming our businesses and professional progress.

Another thing, stop going to KFC if you wanted pizza and stop expecting free delivery if you ordered a value meal.

Alles kos geld. Alles is duur. Ons almal het huishoudings om te onderhou, ouers en kinders om na te kyk en te versorg, rates en tax om te betaal so hoe kan enige iemand iets verniet verwag?

Ons is steeds in n financial crisis. Dink verder as jou next meal.
Some people’s next meals are literally their last right now. See Durban floods. See Shanghai Lockdown, See Langa fires.

You are not going to like what I have to say and that is okay.
You don’t pay my bills anyway.

I work with and for paying clients. I run a business and NOT a hospice. I work day and night, sometimes at the cost of my health but I do it for me, myself and I. As I am my main provider, me having to look after and take care of myself and my wants and needs. Had I had my own family to take care of and provide for, the sentence would read I do it for we, ourselves and us.

Luxury is something I can afford. Comfort is not. It comes at a price.

In my experience comfort is predictable, monotonous, the norm, the majority of society’s choice but it not my choice. I choose to delve into the unknown. To risk it all. To trailblaze new paths for future generations of my family tree, both spiritual and bloodline families. I am building doors where there are none. I am bringing a buffet of a skillset to the table and if you want to sit at my table there is ALWAYS a cover charge, just like at any restaurant. There is no such thing as a free lunch.
Unless you visit a halfway house or foodbank. And even then, someone else paid it forward so you can have a plate of food to eat. Thanks non- profits.

Here where I reign it is food for thought and spiritual nourishment. Not eye candy. Not junkfood. And not gluttony or stockpiling. We make due with what we have. If we are blessed with abundance, we all get to feast. If it is a season of scarsity, we all dine sparingly and give thanks and remain humble.

Elders, with the greatest respect, I regret to inform you that I don’t belong to you because you know or knew my parents, or come from the same neighbourhood, or same ethnic background.

I belong to me, my family and The Universe. All rights reserved. I am done tolerating being infantilized and muted because I am a woman who hails from a small town where it is enforced that I must be modest, submissive, compliant and complacent with whatever misinformed traditions or cultural misinformation and miseducation is being learned in many households. Let’s agree to disagree but do not come for me with your disrespect, your discrimination and your disregard of people who hold a different opinion or belief than yours.

I stand on my story and in my faith and that is also, my prerogative, it is my constitutional and human right to do so.I wish no one harm and I wish no one ill. We all can live in peace and harmony if we shift towards an inclusive and tolerant school of thought. Not a forceful disharmony.

Nobody is perfect. And that is ok. We live and learn and we grow through what we go through. It is not necessary to manipulate, and dictate and act self – important or insist on pushing self – worship and idolatry to our kids and our youth. We are their role models and they can see what they should do as human beings and what they should not do as kind or unkind deeds.

Introspective question: Is your moral compass in tact?



BECAUSE IF I don’t say it, we won’t address the laundry list of dysfunction and disparity we have all become accustomed to. We are addicted to suffering and we believe it to be tradition to put our kids through that same suffering before they can or are allowed to succeed.Let your kids live. Stop letting them bleed because you did. Break the generational traumas now! RIght now!

To the youngsters : I am not your mother, I am not your friend, I am not your emotional dumpster and I am not your canvas where can projectile vomit all your issues onto me, then ignore me, not acknowledging me and my space that I opened for you in a time of emotional turmoil. So I rebuke any further outreach from girls and boys contacting me via socials asking me to be there for them then getting used as a tool for them to further feed their demons. This is not my misery. This is not my circus and this is not my problem.

Get to know yourselves. Take personality tests, stop looking to social media as your church /religion /master and learn to self regulate your emotional states. As an ex – educator I have had enough. I did what I could for you. You need to help yourself now. Sepak to your parents or go to church, but put your phones down and look up for a change. Look up and look within and fix what is wrong.

To my peers, stop lurking on my profiles and facebook and instagram stalking me. First of all, I am dead serious. Stop doing this. Digital stalking is not ok, get help or get a proper hobby. I am not your daily entertainment or clown. I use social media for business and networking purposes, not for your vicarious needs and obsessions. I have been stalked and harrassed before and I have had to involve the police before, so please stop this. Men and women. You know who you are. You are making me uncomfortable and you need to focus on yourselves. There is nothing to see on my profile. Don’t add me if all you want to do is see my photos. I have a right to my digital privacy as well. I am not the daily sun. Bad energies, stay faaaaaaaar away.


YES, I am shouting so that you can hear me, and listen clearly and carefully . And you can pass this knowledge on to others  young adult parents. There are tools and systems. Stop using your ” friendships ” as halfway houses, rehab centers, loan sharks, dumping sites and rebounds and replacements for your broken- up relationships and shituationships. 


Don’t taint your child with your dysfunction. Deal so you can heal. You have 10 000 second chances. Do it for him /her/ them. I don’t want to be involved and I don’t want to be updated. You made your beds. Lie in it. Stop inviting other people to join in. Nobody wants to deal with dirty laundry especially if iti is not theirs.

No more free wifi. I have changed my password and call my energy back to me.

If I connect or connected with you and thought you were real in my life to offer me something and all I have been getting is a hole lot of nothing. You have been removed. Move on. Please. People remove me too. It’s all good. To each its own. Just own up to your truth as well. Take off your masks.
Be YOU. AND DO YOU.( And don’t take this as an invitation from me for you to show how big and strong you are. Just live your life for yourself). That is what I am doing and have been doing and there are no ill vibes. Just let things be.

Closed door policy. Moenie die klokkie lui nie.

I have a closed door policy now and I will share the analogy my counselor told me.

Imagine you are a house with four ( or how many ever rooms) and you leave the door permanently open, never closing it. What do you think will happen over a long or even short period of time?Anyone can come in, make themselves at home, they will invite unwanted guests, then they will bring their baggage in, mess up your house, take over your space and when the place and space broken down, dirty and no longer liveable they will move on to the next open door, right? Leaving you with what?

A mess. Others mess in your space. And you invited it with a kind and open mind and spirit yes, but advantage was taken and will be taken no matter how good or sincere of a person you are. Some people are just poor in taste and spirit and might never change for the better.

So, I am closing my door. And I am evicting all who don’t and didn’t pay rent, who don’t and didn’t pull their weight, who don’t and didn’t honour and respect the house rules.
Who break curfew, who lied, borrow, beg and steal, swindle and con.Be gone, I say. God got me, so I will be ok while I am home alone.

Copyright laws. Copywritten so don’t copy me.

Those who have multiple accounts or clone accounts who follow or followed me then later have the same products or services than I or fellow artists ( especially us writers) have; you are thieves and stealing intellectual property making profit off my and other artists hard and heartwork. You are breaking the law and infringing on copyright laws. All the images I use, original quotes,spokenwords, poetry that I post on socials are my work, my intellectual propertry and that of others so respect it, credit it, ask for permission first before you want to post it to yours and stop stealing.

I am defending and protecting myself and others and I urge all writers and visual artists and content creators to read up on and get clued up on this so that you know that your work is your work alone and nobody is allowed to use it or profit from it without also then paying you royalties or a percentage of their earnings as they purposefully took what was not theirs and sold it as theirs.

Check your circles, check your friends.
It happens to the best of us.

Do your own clean work!

Get your admin in order yourself or pay someone what they charge for their services if you want to be taken seriously in business and life. I am not your keeper. You are. You can not piggyback off me, you can not use my name for your benefit and you can not associate yourself with me if don’t have a mutual agreement or contract between us and vica versa. Verbal contracts do not count for me.
So again, check yourself. And get your stuff sorted. That is why you are broke, not taken seriously, spend more than you make, borrow to pay of debts and want others to keep you company. You know what they say about misery.

Stop using excuses an excuse for abuse and misuse of people.

Stop using people. Period. Stop being nice when working on a project then kicking that person to the side and discarding them like trash. Show some respect for their time, effort, energy, skill-set and humanity. Do unto others. Please don’t offer me something for ” free ” then ask for a cut of my earnings afterward. If it was not previously agreed upon, then proceed to bad mouth me to others when you essentially wanted to use me for your benefit only. That is a transaction. Not a mutually beneficial commitment. I am fine with doing transactions. I.e you pay me xyz and I give you abc and we are done. I will not be giving you 80% and you give 20% on a collaboration or creative project and I earn a sum of money then you want to demand and claim 80%. You get what you give. Understand this. What is fair is fair. IF you give more, you get more. If you give less, you get less. If you are equal contributors, you get equal remuneration and rewards.

This is the cancer in our community. Only some must benefit while some must suffer. I say NO. WE ALL BENEFIT OR WE ALL SUFFER. I advocate for the latter. It’s 50/50 or 0/0.
Sharing is not caring if you are greedy and self- serving while you believe others should suffer while only you benefit and they must be okay with scraps.

No favours! Period. Cash is queen.

I have financial obligations and responsibilities as an adult living in a very unstable economy because of the global shift and great reset. Nobody has money or funds to spare or share.
I already volunteer in my community locally and abroad, so my agenda is full. Don’t ask me to volunteer. I will politely decline. Every time.

I managed to do in two years what many can’t do in ten. And this is not me bragging or boasting, this me working for myself and collaborating with others who have the same vision and long term goal. This is me networking, getting rejected from fellowship applications, looking for funding for projects, asking many a company and institution to give the coloured community more space, more funds, more resources, equal pay for artists, transport allowances, while dealing with health issues and personal issues. I just keep at it. I don’t moan and complain about it continually.

I take action, that is why I am where I am where I am in 2022. I live and breathe and do my work and it’s important to me, to uplift my community through art and creativity. It is also important to earn a decent income so that I can provide for myself and my dad who is a pensioner. So don’t hate on me. Hate on yourself and your lack of discipline, focus, intellect and drive.

I am 35, not 15. Do address me and approach me as such. Please and thank you.

I have not had it easy. Nobody does but I get up when I fall. Even if it takes me years, which it has.I get back up. Again.And again. And again. And once more. So don’t compare yourself with me or anyone else. Your time will come. Work towards it and take the leaps of faith when you are called to. And you will see and experience for yourself how many blessings are actually falling upon your life. Just because I carry it well, by no means signifies that it is not cripping and heavy. Elke huis dra sy kruis. Ander s’n is veel groter en swaarder as myne, so wees dankbaar vir jou kruis,dis om jou wys te maak nie dwaas te hou nie.

Talking about faith, the saying says your gift will make room for you.

Not you, your neighbour, your cousin from your mother’s side who you have not seen in 10 years, now coming back to claim your ” fame ” or accolades. 

Functions over features

I have met many multi- talented people over the years and the last two years in particular I relearned the lesson of function over features. Your talents are not enough. You might be able to sing, dance, draw and rap but if you have poor work ethic, act entitled or don’t do your work, you are an expensive phone on loan that never has airtime. In that same sentiment, love is not enough either in friendships and relationships. There are many other elements that are essential or it just won’t last. You can’t just add water. You have to water it with trust, loyalty, support, compromise, time and willingness for a period of time so it can bloom and continue to bloom for years to come. So just update yourself on that too. I am currently going through this and it is hard, but necessary.

Always be grateful.

To ALLmy exes, thank you. NEXT PLEASE! Ex- colleagues, ex- friends, ex- acquaintances, ex- lovers, ex- partners, just past people. I am sure we have outgrown each other right now. I used to hold on for dear life to every significant bond I thought I built with certain people but I am not interested anymore. I don’t want or need to know how things are now anymore. I am ok with not knowing. I am ok with no longer caring so much about EVERYONE I have ever met or known.

This is a win for me. And it all ok. Change and evolution is good for the spirit. We are all either meant to be in each others lives for a reason, season or lifetime. Life reveals to me who is who and why. So just chill. There are no hard feelings. Just freedom and liberation and growth. Shoutout to the ones who have returned to stand by my side through the good the bad, the uncertainty and the ugly. We continue to hold space for each other and we continue to invest in our friendship or sisterhoods, for the greater good. I got you and you got me.

You do you and I do me and we love and live far away from each other, respectfully.

Moven on to the next. Please. I no longer wish to keep in touch. It is too emotionally and mentally labour intensive and I am tired of the laziness from your sides.

So fare well and don’t call, text, re-add me or try to catch me in public and make it about you pretenting that you have been thinking about me alot and want us to catch up and hang out again together. Miss me with that.

YOUR gift will make room for YOU.

If you did the work. You enjoy the fruits of your labour. Your support systems get to benefit, your spouse, your kids and your pets get to bask in that glory.
Stop coming for people when it is their time to shine. Let their lights shine and learn to create your own sparks. God don’t like ugly. So stop with being mean- spirited and ugly to people. It is not necessary. Yes, I am talking to you, adult- bullies. Keep the peace. Don’t disturb the peace.

I think I have said my piece and I hope this helps someone out there who has been going through the most, not being able verbalize or even understand what happened to them when they were in a good space and now they just feel low. What I want you to remember right now is that the beauty of rock-bottom is up. Learn to put on your oxygen-mask and keep it on. Learn to swim in the deep end and also learn to discern who you can count on and who you must count out. Read books. Learn to cook. Take solo walks and trips. Try to turn the tide from within. And soon, you will see, you can and will win.

As always, I give thanks to those who actively support me and love me unconditionally both near and far.
Health, wealth and healing upon us all.
May permanent betterment fill our minds and souls.
Heaven is a place called home.
Find your home and if you don’t have one. Build it on God’s grace.

Biggest lessons learned from last year to this year :

Your gift will make room for you.
Don’t drink from anyone and everyone’s cups, that is how you get poisoned.

You can’t fake it till you make it. You make it when you keep it real with yourself and others.

Boundaries is a two way highway with toll-gates. Set boundaries and respect others boundaries or you will keep getting hurt, used, disappointed, excluded, misunderstood and misled.

Be careful of your own thoughts. Introspect often and get professional help sooner rather than later.

Let the divine guide you back to yourself, not man or woman.

Pray often. Meditate often. First is to talk to God. Second is to listen to God.

I have who and what I need in my life right now and I am still blessed and highly favoured.

With love and light



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