Introspection is the best intersection to cultivate lasting friendships and relationships.

 

Take the loss-page-001

For the love of you and her/him. Please. Take the L.

On days where I feel depleted and not wanting to do anything, I now take it as the collective consciousness needing something that I have already learnt. Some test that I have already passed or some mess that I have already cleared and cleaned up. I can now pass on my knowledge to others who might be going through something similar.

My intuition speaks to me through physical sensations. When something is gnawing at me or causing me physical pain and it does not go away after I have meditated, gone for a jog or a brisk walk, taken a hot shower ( it’s still winter in South Africa) or grounded myself in nature, then I know whatever is mulling around in my head is an energy that needs to be channelled and released through me. That is the only way that I can help someone else release some stagnant energy that has been keeping them trapped and running in dysfunctional circles. That is how I disrupt my own cycles and this is how you can disrupt yours now.

Affirm: Disrupt!

 

You might be that someone. That person who feels, lost and out of place. Like  a loner and not wanting to stay where you are but you don’ know where you are going to either. You just know that it’s time to move!

Riddle me this. Ponder me that.

Are you watching all your friends moving on with their lives, falling in love and getting into relationships ?  Do they now leave you behind or make you the awkward third wheel? Are they going abroad to pursue better jobs or academic opportunities? Are they on a path to holistic health and spirituality ? Are they vegan  or celibate and or sober? Are they starting their own small businesses and you are still you ? Has nothing has changed in your life in the last year ? Is there no variety, no growth and no prospects for you, other than joining the rat race and hoping you’ll win or get ahead  somehow?

So many unanswered but relevant questions and more than enough time to get the right answers now. Use lockdown to your advantage even if you are at a so-called disadvantage.– 143

Are you dating multiple people hoping one of them will work out some of the time, thinking that it is better than having nobody none of the time? Are you someone who wants love but doesn’t give love because you got burnt and now follow the belief that someone new must fix what someone old broke. Are you an emotional tourist?

Or worse you cling to your parents and best friends for dear life to love you and spoil you because you have princess/ prince syndrome causing you to become an energy vampire to the ones who have been loving you as much and as best as they could. Please accept, respect and honour that you now need to give all of them the space they need ( but won’t ask) to breathe now. Everyone is tired. We are spiritually drained and emotionally spent. Life has been giving us all beatings,lessons,messes and storms to deal with. Shit is hard. And real. So real I am even using profanity for the first time in one of my posts.

Can you start walking your own path so that your twin soul will come into your life and love you in the way you need and you love them in the way that they need, so that you (plural ) can live a life that you (plural) want?

You can have it ALL. but you CAN NOT have it both.- 143

Love can’t be bought but it can be taught. Firstly, realise that love can’t be bought but it can be taught. So many people believe that materialism will bring them happiness in love relationships. This happens in hetero and same-sex relationships. And most of us get this template or programming or belief system from our parents or our friends.

We see everyone around us getting gifts all the time. Getting lavish vacations paid for and getting rewarded for doing something that we get subconsciously forced into by gender roles and outdated traditions instead of learning valuable and applicable life skills that both men and women can master. That way they get to choose what they feel comfy doing and what they don’t feel comfy doing and bring that to the table instead of gender-based roles. Life skills and love skills are both acquired with knowledge and personal experience. Try and fail. Then try and truimph. It’s all about learning while you are living it. We don’t appreciate the beginning and so many of us rush to get to the middle and this causes many beautiful connections to end before it even started.

What is she on about now? Gender and tradition is what makes us, us.

If you think of yourself as an individual with your own set of skills, your own set of strengths and weaknesses,possessing your own gifts and talents, you will come to know that you need to be around like-minded people. That is if you wish to grow and glow on a personal level.

Socially, it’s a free for all. Meeting and connecting with people from all walks of life is what brings us together. That’s the fun part of going out and letting lose and just enjoying yourself. Our differences unite us and we all have something to offer to society and the world. However on an inner-circle level, you must practice discernment.

I will speak on this in coming posts as it’s a new realm that I have entered myself and I am learning so much from this one small but significant setting that I look forward to shedding light on this topic as well.

Be yourself, everyone else is already taken. You are who you are for reason. Let that reason be magical.

We don’t think for ourselves anymore or do enough introspection to realise early on in our lives to decide and establish what we want from love or how love could develop and grow rapidly if you have your own, original, customized template that is open to editing.

We first make people fall in love with us, then try to change them after the fact. We aren’t upfront and honest about our wants and  needs, then we drop dysfunctional and inadequacy bombs on our lovers or partners. After that our friends and potential lovers and partners and go into shock or separation anxiety when things go left. They won’t go left if we try to start things right and maintain that with structure, communication and comprehension.

Put systems and steps in place to learn love. So that you can love and be loved.

Secondly, a person is a person. Not a product, not a job opportunity and nor a slave to your wants and  needs. You can not puppet someone into loving you or use them for your entertainment or needs or to heal your hurt. And if this is some of your ways of loving others, I would suggest you take a break from romantic love and friendships. You also don’t need to rebound after every encounter to prove to yourself that you are wanted. Many people like used goods. Don’t let that used goods,be you. You are too good to be used. You deserve to cherished and appreciated like the limited edition that you are. Investigate inner child healing and forgive yourself for not being good at love. Then learn how to love well from a place of personal growth and not stagnation.

What is your love language and what is his or hers? Don’t get lost in translation. Get found on reaching a middle ground. 

 

Many of us love in different ways and all of us understand love in different ways. That means we give and receive love differently. If we don’t understand this, we won’t understand or accept anything as love and we’ll continue to drive the right people away for the wrong reasons. I would also strongly suggest this quiz so that you can learn your love language first. After your discovery,  you can teach others how to love you and they can, in turn, learn their love language as well and everyone can speak with and understand each other better.

Love is not complicated. People are. It’s unnecessary and such a waste of precious time and energy. Just remember than next time you still have a chip on your shoulder. Everyone has had their hearts broken. Everyone has felt hurt and pain. There is better waiting on the other side of your fear. It’s a place called home. Face north and find that place. Or build it if it doesn’t seem to exist. Then invite the right person in. To stay.

5 love languages quiz

Here come the critical questions. You will hate me now but you’ll thank me later. I just opened your heart to love again. Believe it to accept, give and receive it. Love is very real.

 

Ask yourself the following;

  • Have I been taking people for granted because they said they would always love me no matter what, thinking that it meant that I would still get the same amount of time, energy and attention from them?
  • Do you have boundaries or do you shit where you eat ? Yes it’s a very vulgar and graphic description but it has a purpose and you can actually apply this analogy to all areas of your life. Shitting where you eat is another way of saying that you disrespect yourself and others because you don’t consider the circumstances or environment and you believe that you can do as you please without taking responsibility or accountability for it. If you think of a dining table as being your space of love, your home and your behaviour or manners at the table as shit ( negative, dirty, cheating, greedy,playing mindgames, being passive etc.) or fertilizer ( positive, nurturing, clean, faithful,vulnerable, expressing your thoughts etc.) you will come to your own conclusions on that. A clean environment makes sharing a meal so much more meaningful and memorable than that of a dirty table.

Addressing yourself honestly, is the highest form of respect. Show it you and to others.

  • What do I start doing when I no longer get what I was used to? Do I retaliate by whoring myself out by sleeping with anyone, going out with multiple people just so that I can get the same amount of attention, or do I act maturely and rationally and realise that they have loved me well?
  • Now they ( my friends or family with who I used to do everything with ) have moved into a different stage of their life, meaning I can also explore a different stage of my life without being jealous, without thinking that they abandoned me and without being angry at them for having found love with an amazing partner or pursued their dream of becoming self full. Or do I start badmouthing them and secretly wish them ill will?
  • Do I voice my feelings or do I through adult tantrums until I get what I want, meaning I cause unnecessary stress to my parent(s) or siblings because I have assigned them as to lover role. So they must fulfil my needs or I will do something irresponsible that cause them embarrassment and shame.
  • When I am starting to feel something strong for someone and wish to be in a loving partnership with them, do I take the initiative or again wait to be handed everything on a platter and not bring anything to the table. Do I make them wait? Do I simply not show up anymore?
  • Why do I do this? I know that it is not fair and I know I must adapt to having someone else in my life and I need help with that. My friends have too many negative opinions and they won’t approve. So how can I do better on my own with my partner or work toward that with a potential partner that I have on my heart?
  • Do you down- date or up-date people so that you look better in public and social settings. That is are you only with someone because you don’t feel worthy and valued by yourself and you believe you need another person to be in competition with so that you look better or feel better and by doing so you stay in dysfunction and oblivion.
  • Do you self -sabotage things when everything is going well, because you are scared or because you have never gotten this far and now you don’t know what to do?  The good news is that there are books and resources freely available.  If you are too prideful or ignorant or ashamed to take that route, you might lose the best thing that has ever happened to you and now you are on a path of destruction.
  • Are you addicted to substances, are you a workaholic,  do you build walls by putting people around you all the time and expect someone to come and rescue you like you are rapunzel locked up in a tower?
  • Do you work with timelines and deadlines with relationships or do you work with energy? If you build that tower yourself only you can deconstruct it now and come down and give love a fair chance.

Take yourself seriously but don’t be serious

Please choose yourself over your friends. Please choose yourself over your parents. Please choose your moment of love over all your moments of hurt, and pain and lies and discomfort and confusion. Running away from love won’t bring you closer to it. And love won’t chase you. Love will take it as an indication that you are not interested and that it is better for love to explore other avenues. If it’s for a season a reason or a lifetime. Take the love. Love also knows it’s not perfect and that everything has changed in a matter of months and that everything is uncertain right now, but love is constant.Unconditional. Real. Worthy and willing to try and retry if the connection was lost. Find that connection again and make it work with the intel that you have at your fingertips now!

I personally work off energy and when my intuition tells me that something is off. I fully trust that. Don’t confuse this with nerves. Nerves are good,they tell you something exciting is happening. There comes this bad feeling that is your six sense warning you of danger. Believe that sense. When the signs are as clear as day, and it plays out as I knew it would, I don’t blame myself. I know it had to happen that way, no matter how unfair it seems. I gave it the honour, time, energy and respect up until a point and then I had to let go.Sometimes letting go creates room for people to grow. And that’s a good thing.

The world has changed. Dating is not easy. It’s a competition and there is no time for building lasting relationships. 

So what happens to these on and off things and flings?  If you are in an on again off again situationship just know that you are being used. If you are at the other party. You are using someone. Unless there are previously determined circumstances such as an illness or working away and there is a commitment between two people, then just know that you are on when they are off with someone else who they prefer more and then on with you when that someone else is not available and they feel lonely or bored. Don’t be the doormat and don’ t  even bother confronting the other person. Just be grateful it’s off and keep it off and your dignity remains intact. It happens to the best of us.

So how long should I give love?

It takes 3 to 6 months for me to see someone for who they are. I don’t need years anymore to realise that someone is not for me or that I am not for them. No matter how crazy I am about them or how beautiful or kind or giving they are. Or how much they feel the same way. If there is no meeting in the middle, if it is not mutual and if the vision is not the same.  Reset. Rest and Rewire yourself for someone who is in alignment with you emotionally, psychologically, financially and spiritually. If it’s a situation where you need to press pause so that you can work on yourselves. Do that. And get back to each other when enough work has been done to lay down a new foundation for your love.

 

All these questions have just given me a headache.

 

That’s excellent news, it means you are awakening to grow. You are actually honouring yourself. If you think about it, do you want to live the same year again for the next decade or for the rest of your life and settle because everyone else is doing it or do you want to do your own thing? So why aren’t you doing it right now?

Cheapskates want the most expensive dates.

Are you bargaining with love because you are a cheapskate when it comes to shopping and you think that you can apply this to relationships as well? Do you expect the world of someone when you barely give them a minute of your undivided attention? Do you expect people to read your mood via text and not even try to make time and send them a voice note, give them a call and genuinely speak to each other or listen to each other so that there is a level of connection and not just a one-way vent or release? These questions will all open new doors of growth and understanding to yourself and others. Remember love can’t be bought but it can be taught. Also understand that real love comes at a price. Not monetary, but emotionally and mentally you need to invest. Or take the loss.

I thought I met the one and then I lost interest and had to move on with immediate effect.

Did you walk into something with a lot of false positivity and confidence because you romanticised love and then you ran out when you realised you were inadequate and became jealous and envious of the person you fell for? If you answered yes to this question, this post was written for you. If you know someone who is currently challenged with loving themselves and fear loving others, share this post with them and help them get to their desired level of self – love now. Do it from a place of compassion and kindness, not judgment or critique.

How do I move forward now? Do I circle back ? Do I retrace my steps? My destination is in sight but maybe I need a better map now. My feelings have not changed for this person but  I have so I want to show them I am ready now.

Read these books; Frequency by Penney Peirce (spiritually inclined) Melody Beattie  52 Weeks of Conscious Contact Meditations for Connecting with God, Self & Others ( religiously inclined) and You can heal your life ( all schools of thought and believes) by Louise Hay. This is just  one step towards loving yourself and others and the next step will take you even higher if you are actually willing to take the risk this time. Take the L! Give the L! Receive the L! Love the L!

 

With Love and Light

Keep glowing

from Skylar

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