Kind remindHer / remindHim:
Start small, but think and do BIG for yourself within yourself.
Disclaimer* At the time of this interview Kevin R. October was not in the best of spaces with regards to his self- esteem and has since been following his own exploratory path with guided meditations, reading books and doing tai chi and playing his beloved guitar. He has quit smoking cigarettes and continues to work and study while dreaming about going surfing again after lockdown is over.
I have personally noticed that he is much more himself and we still have the same level of understanding and respect while growing and glowing together, apart. Having him as one of the few positively influential male figures in my life has made my life better, so cheers to him and others like him! The opinions and views expressed in this article are that of myself and Kevin R October as ourselves and not any other personas or entities. Enjoy the great discoveries!
Yin ( female energy ) and yang (
male energy ) live and function in harmony when it is understood and balanced.
Male energy is needed, valued and unique to each individual but very often extremely misunderstood, miseducated, misinformed and negatively reinforced. If and when a man cries, he gets flack from his male and female cousins or friends for being weak.
The truth is that having the intellectual and emotional capacity to show vulnerability is not a weakness. It’s a developed strength. It’s an essential soft skill and a quality to admire in both women and men. Most men that I have come to know are very good listeners and kind-hearted souls. They also need someone to listen as well. The majority of us as women tend to forget that. They carry heavy loads and are under just as much pressure to man up and stay on the grind for their families.
They need to take a load off too. Not all of them are good at sports or can work through or release tension through hobbies like carpentry or gardening. Some of them might have other hidden talents that they keep dormant in fear of being called names or get emasculated in their inner circles or even by their partners or elders.
2020: New decade. New waves. New flames. New is the norm. Find clarity in your storms.
I think it’s 2020 now and there are plenty -plenty of men who are self- aware, self – accepting and self- full. Men who don’t need man caves, or boys nights. They are creative and expressive in other ways. Ways that could bring a lot of new things to the table.
Things such as mutual respect, emotional intelligence, expression of self through words, thoughts, ideas and inventions. All of this can add new levels of bromances for those of you who have had decade long friendships. There are guys out there who are passionate about music and have albums locked up in them, gathering dust because they feel that if they share their passion for music or theatre. Or science, or fashion. The list is endless.
They might get mocked or lose a life long friend that they value and cherish. What about those guys who can build stuff or know how to convert the house into a more sustainable environment. They know how to cultivate and grow plants that are good for our health and can build our immune system better than any OTC ( over the counter medicine )would, but we don’t know these things because men might not have that safe space to speak on their passions.
The male’s perspective on self – love with Kevin R October affectionately known as Neef Gawie
It’s a new decade and almost everything has changed in the dating game, mating game, friendship game, bromance, sisterhoods, family bonds and how we view ourselves. Something that I have always known but never really addressed is how men view themselves and how they view self- love.
Most men are taught to not show emotion or express themselves too much verbally or people will think they are not “ real ” men. This is what toxic masculinity portrays to all of us but we have discovered many new avenues for both men and women and one that Kevin decided to stroll down was the route back to himself, through self- love.
Challenge accepted !
I challenged him to my 90-day self-love challenge so that we could share both sides of the coin with everyone and show all men, that all is well in everyone’s world when you become more self- aware. Below is our feedback from Kevin. I say us as this was a joint challenge for the specific purpose of showing a female´s perspective and a male’s perspective of the same topic.
Kevin, thanks for being brave and open enough by accepting this 90 day self- love challenge. Tell me, why did you sign up ?
“It came at the right time as I was not feeling that great and decided to go for it. When I started doing it it was very empowering. I started that same night that we discussed it and you emailed me the procedure and prompts and I found a lot of things to love about myself. ”
You mentioned the procedure and prompts, how did you experience it all, was it easy to get into?
” Well, I loved how straightforward and easy the procedure and prompts were, so I decided to just follow them daily. I decided to take the first option ( there were two )which was to write down three things I love about myself on the daily. As I started to write down the three things to love about myself it moved into self-love and then I vented into my diary. I think the venting was guided by the prompts. The three prompts being, I am proud of you for, I forgive you for, I commit to you that. What I wrote down triggered some emotions and I just let it flow without questioning it. That lead me to make space and put systems in place.”
And how did you feel? Did this exercise help you in some way and was there an inner shift that happened? Was there any progressive progress?
” The prompts triggered or started the process then it just flowed. I felt a release and relieved. Some days I was more verbose than others, some days I wrote three short sentences. Sometimes I wrote three paragraphs. And some days I wrote three things and then just started writing about whatever else was on my mind, having nothing to do with self-love.
Sometimes what I wrote was very creative. Other times it was just short and to the point. Mostly though, it served two purposes. Getting my frustration out, and boosting my self-confidence. And I think I stopped naturally and didn’t complete the challenge because the purposes were served. At some point, I’ll need to do it again and then I’ll do it better – or maybe do it differently.
Did you manage to complete the whole 90 days?
” Week 1 went really well. Then I skipped a few days, then I just stopped. I regret not finishing it but it brought me to the meditation route instead and I loved that and did that instead. I might not have had so much to deal with and felts the meditation and positive affirmations to be a better route for me.”
Could you give me a quick run-through of how much you were able to complete?
“I completed 15 days out of 90 and I don’t see an incomplete or a failure. It was enough for me. The writing works to a point but the guided meditation works better for me. I simply searched for self-esteem on youtube and then started doing that instead. I felt a lot better from the journaling that I managed to do. Take note that it depends on your mood.”
Here are some highlights of his discoveries:
- ” You are worthy of love.
- You are an eligible bachelor.
- You are capable and independent. “
- ” You are on the right path, stay on the path.
- You will not be liked by everyone, those people have no taste.
- Someone will love you for who you are, keep being yourself, or they might miss you.”
- “I am beautiful.
- I am wonderful.
- I am perfect.”
What advice would you give to other guys ( and gals ) if they would like to try self- love for themselves ?
” Guys might think it’s silly, especially macho guys. They might not even be able to give it a try if they aren’t into contemplation and writing. I say see what happens and just give it a try. Stick to the basics of journaling by just writing your thoughts or some keywords down. If something else comes up then you let that come out and let it flow. what you write down might end up being a memory, good or bad or it could be a motivating comment to yourself and that means shift happened. “
Pro tip from one man to another
If you can’t do it daily at least do it once a week maybe on a Sunday or one quiet night.
Did any of the following introspective aspects pop up and how ?
- Inner work
- Inner child healing
- Inner knowing
- Inner cleansing and clearing for your authentic and higher self to come forth and reign with strength and dignity
“Questions that came up were: Am I being a good man? Am I the man that my father raised me to be? “
2020 and beyond for our men: The future is bright for all of our men
We’ve already made it through the first six months of 2020 and South Africa and the whole world is in a time of great opportunity for one and all. We have the opportunity to drive the car now. We have a licence to carry the torch and show men how to be gentle, kind and ask for consent when it comes to entering into and staying in romantic relationships. There are also opportunities for men to get to know themselves now.
Stop looking for people who like you.
Start looking for people who recognize you for who you truly are.
Who you truly are?
You are an irrevocable miracle
everlasting blessing to yourself and the world.
They have all the tools. They have space at home now. They can create a space for themselves if they can’t because of work or other engagements. There are professional options as well for those who think they might have anger issues or anxiety issues by seeking help for anger management or how to cope with their anxiety during this lockdown period and beyond. Those who reach for the bottle too often or who might have gotten caught up in drugs are other unfortunate situations, I hope you find peace and settle with your mistakes. Press reset. This lockdown is your opportunity to give the bad habits the boot and welcome your new habits in.
Kind remindHIM: If you didn’t know, now you know. You matter. You count. You are important and you are doing exceptionally well for yourself and others right now. WEll done! Keep going.
There is no shame in going through the motions, feeling stuck, feeling helpless or lost if you are male or female. I hope that the many good men out there see this and get celebrated in their respective roles and lives today and beyond. Songs will be written and sung for you. Raps will be spat and performed live for you. And spoken words will be dedicated to you all. I personally and sincerely send out a big thank you to men across the planet right now, who are honouring their wives, kids, siblings, elders and most importantly themselves.
With love and light
PS. To the men who are down and out, can’t see their kids, don’t have positively influential male or female figures in their lives, go google and listen to Les Brown. Just listen to him daily and absorb his words. I will leave you with his famous words: “No matter how bad it is or how bad it gets. I’m going to make it.”
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