Good morning beautiful people! It’s already the 8th of February 2020 and it’s 9:28 a.m right now in South Africa. I hope that wherever you find yourself right now that you are well. 2020 is blessing us with so much good fortune and moment to moment miracles that I am compelled to write what on my heart’s mind this morning.
Yes, my heart has a mind of its own it loves and speaks fiercely, freely and unapologetically.
Love and be loved.
39 life- enhancing days have already passed and we are blessed with 327 remaining days of this powerful decade : “TWENTY TWENTY the birth and activation of PLENTY PLENTY”.
Today is day 22 of my 90 days of Self – Love: ESTELLE is WELL. I would like to share how the first 21 days has gone thus far with all of you. Who knows, there might be something that rings true to you and your truth might be calling you to love you as well and as best as you can right now.
NOW= Never Oppress Winning.
I divided my 90 days into 3 sections and phases so that I could fall in love with myself holistically. I broke it down like this to give myself enough space and time to start slow and steady, gain momentum and then complete the cycle in full bloom. Like a super moon!
30+30+30= 90= beginning+middle+end= past+present+future=mind+body+soul=head+ heart + hands= me, myself and I=unapologetic, unwavering and unconditional love
I set simple intentions, goals and objectives so that I am able to pace myself, progress daily and look forward to tomorrow not knowing what is coming but loving that tomorrow is yesterday’s reason for being grateful and in awe of myself, today.
be soft; speak softly. breathe softly. move softly. sing softly. walk softly.write softly.listen softly. as graceful as a queen, as soft as a butterflies wings.
– Skylar Darrigan-
Here are my goals and objectives, ask yourself during introspection what your goals and objectives are.
- Inner work
- Inner child healing
- Inner knowing
- Inner cleansing
- Inner clearing
- Welcome my authentic and higher self to reign with poise and grace
- open up to receive the love that the Universe has ready and waiting for me
Quick fast tip : Questions are key in personal development as they propel you into thinking and observing – mode and not critiquing and finger pointing – mode. This is how you can be kinder and softer with yourself.
Questions to ask in order help myself to progress, transition into the new and transform into the best version of me:
- How can I love myself today?
- How can I be gentle and kind to myself and others today?
- How can I nourish myself today?
- How can I think, do, eat and act healthful today?
Lisa Nichols prompts, I use these prompts as this is where I started in my personal development journey about 2 years ago and this is where I choose to flow and glow in 2020 as well. Thanks Lisa Nichols for these invaluable jewels. You give me life!#yesyes
- I am proud of you for:
- I forgive you for:
- I commit to you that:
I am love and light.
– Skylar Darrigan-
I have always loved well and I have always been loved well. I just forget. In all the mess and stress and being upset and confused and out of place and out of tune with my inner song, I simply forgot. And I am so grateful and blessed for the reminders that grace me now. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 10 000 times thank you !
For as long as I can remember, I was a happy child, everyone wanted to hold me when I was a baby and I tons of photos of myself and my family members holding me in their arms with smiles as far and wide as the sea with me simply posing. No smile. Just me being me and they loved me, unconditionally.
As a young girl, people would flock to me, wanting to be my friend and simply play together. I have the fondest memories of play dates with my classmates from school.
We would run outside, walk bare feet and build pretend houses in their gardens.
We would swim and camp near rivers and have cooked breakfasts on the riverbanks with their parents telling us about nature and the weather. I didn’t mind sleeping bags and having to use the bush as my bathroom and sharing a tent with boys and girls was the greatest adventure to me.
I remember visiting one of my childhood friends on his farm and his father would come and pick me up with their bakkie and their dogs and he was always happy to see me and we would play with lego blocks in his room. I would run around and just be me.
I knew I was loved. I knew I was safe. I knew I belonged and I knew I was living well.
I remember how I would feed hamsters, go treasure hunting for snails and sticks, so we could have tea parties with mud cakes and climb trees.We would swing around like monkeys. I remember swimming in backyards and swinging freely, always surrounded by my friends and classmates who loved to play and run and roll up and down the large lawns. I remember walking down the streets at night when we grew older again with the boys and girls together. All of us happy. Smiling. Free.
As a teenager, I experienced the same. Love came to me all the time because love was within me at all times. People sending me books and taking me on unexpected trips with them to Hawston, Fisher Haven, Club Mykonos, Goudini Spa,Pringle bay. I would go where I never thought it was possible or that I would have the opportunity to go or experience life’s adventures and pleasures but somehow I always did and do. I would care packages with biltong and droewors and chocolates and my favourite body spray.
In my early twenties I would go dancing with all my friends and play pool in pubs, clubs and dim light bars, kiss friendly strangers, fall in love with my surroundings, make out with my secret crushes and fall asleep in each others arms lying a twin bed on the outside stoep of our friend’s home and waking up to laughter over the previous night’s fun on the dance floor.
I have memories of watching the clear night sky and wishing upon stars not knowing that I am the biggest one. My given name really means star. And there’s nothing little about me either. I am shooting,shining, star.
In my mid twenties,2012 to be exact. I made the most life – altering decision to venture abroad so I could broaden my horizons, become a trail blazer for the generations to come and to leave my comfort zone and enter growth and glow zone. Still, I was loved. The most amazing people would just gravitate toward me and we took trips to the desert, small islands, we went to cultural festivals, catch weekend flights to Dubai for an Alicia Keys concert.
Side note: That was THE BEST DAY of my entire life ! Alicia Keys, if you are reading this, I love you. You are my saving grace. Within every stage of my life. I don’t know how you do it, but every album that I have listened to has brought me out of darkness and into light.
My duality is eternally grateful to your existence in this life and the next. The first time I saw you perform was on Oprah’s show, while I was watching TV, most likely doing homework or having soming to eat after school. I was instantly in love with your artistry, authenticity and angelically healing voice. Your story has helped me to continue mine. I think it was about 11 years later that I was fortunate enough to see you live at your Girl on Fire tour in Dubai. I honour music. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I said that to say this ; It’s time for bliss. I will no longer apologize for loving the ones I love and being loved so well by them. I also won’t apologize for the way I love. A way that leaves an irrevocable mark and permanent imprint on the heart’s of those who I love.
I won’t apologize for wanting to hug a stranger, listen to them attentively and give them a shoulder to cry on when I can. I won’t apologize for loving kids,animals,insects and nature. I won’t apologize for having the pleasure of knowing people from all over the world. Having loved women from all over the world and choosing to fall in love again with someone who is so unique and different and majestic that it takes my breathe away.
I won’t apologize for wanting the best for her, I won’t hide the fact that I would like to protect her and give her the world while I am creating heaven on earth for her and for us. What and who is meant for me is FOR ME and ONLY ME and I already have it all.
I own it and I choose it and I claim it and honour and protect it with my love.
My love is ruthless.
In the same sentiment that what’s for you is yours. A kind reminder: You don’t need to sabotage mine in order to get yours. You don’t need to envy me or copy me to get yours. Just be YOU.
This is what this 90 day journey of Self – Love: Estelle is WELL is making me see so clearly. I won’t dim my light. I won’t stop loving you. And I won’t stop loving me. I will be exactly who I am who and that might be exactly who you need me to be right now.
Personal disclaimer* I never share my personal conversations in the public sphere because I respect, honour and trust those who trust,honour and respect me. I always ask permission from those involved and protect my loved ones identities and privacy if they are not comfortable with sharing some of their powerful journeys as well.
Last night, was a really beautiful night for me, a really beautiful day actually. I was productive, I sold three of my motivational jars, I went to give thanks to someone who was a true pillar of support to me while I was obtaining my BA degree at university and I paid it forward by paying her back with happiness and kindness in a beautiful orange jar. Even her husband said; “there´s a shift in your energy. You know, I think that so many people are broken, we must just help everyone else to see the light.” Then I replied that the light is within.
Then , I went to visit another close friend at her house and before we knew it, it was load shedding. There was no electricity from 20:00 p.m to 22:00 p.m
Guess what we decided to do? We sat outside her house at the back with her now 11 year old son and we just talked and laughed together. They have 4 dogs. Two Alsatians and two Dachshunds and all four dogs came to me, not leaving my side and jumping up and down with excitement and giving me so much love. So within our load shedding slot of darkness, again, I had light. WE didn’t even bother to light any candles. Our smiles was light. The dogs gave me light. Hearing her son talk about how much he loves to draw, was light.
Greeting her younger sister, who is expecting a beautiful boy, with her now husband coming to greet and hug me and wishing me happy 2020, was light. Seeing her father eat his dinner with a headlamp on his head was light. And hugging her mother and giving her some of our garden’s passion fruit, was light.
BE THE LIGHT.
When I came home around 21:00 p.m, I had to use my phone’s torch to come inside, park the car in the garage, lock the gate and close and secure the garage door and then I immediately lit some candles when I entered my house. Again, I had light. and I felt immense love and joy.
I still had some battery left so I decided to text one my Colombian sweethearts as it was his birthday. It was also my dad’s birthday, so there might be a hidden meaning there. Gelukkige verjaarsdag. Dankie vir alles dad. Ek is lief vir jou pappa.
I took this last hour of darkness to reflect and give thanks for a week gone well and to celebrate and love a good man. I sent him a message, first a voice note and then there was no network, so all the messages were delayed and he said something I did not expect.
I just sent him my sincere regards and that he should have a happy birthday with all his loved ones and he said : ” You know what you brought to my life ? ” I said : “No”.
So, no messages came through and then the phone showed 16 unread messages and it was him, thanking me, inspiring me, motivating me, celebrating me and wishing me well???
“How beautiful is that ? To love and be loved.”
If you are reading this, please know that you are love and you loved. There are people in your life rooting for you, working behind the scenes to pave a way to your dreams with you and for you. Some people are having sleepless nights to help you help yourself. People are having wakeful dreams to create, produce and build anew. They are building international bridges, bridging the gaps where there are currently things missing, they are moving heaven and earth for you, praying for you, missing you, longing to hug and kiss you and see you win. And win you can. And win you will.
Your tribe is universal. Your tribe is limitless. Your tribe is currently making the impossible i’m possible. Your tribe here, near and dear, my darling. Your tribe is here and we are not going anywhere.
There are influencing strangers walking into your life right now wanting to give you nothing but love and there are familiar faces who have been with you since day one, who won’t leave your side. Even if you paths had to separate, trust me they are carving their way back to you. They are slaying dragons and demolishing boundaries and barriers to open a new frontier.
There is someone very powerful in your life who loves you to life and wants to shower you with that love. They want you to open up and receive it with poise and grace.
Do bathe in it often. Indulge in it. Savour it. Have fun with it. Play with it. Explore and celebrate it daily. Talk to it and ask it questions. Give it answers.You deserve that love. And that love whole- heartedly deserves you.
Please fight for that love. Please recognize that love, as it might come wrapped in chaos even though all it really is, is creation. Please allow that love to come and go and stay. Please allow that love to express itself in all its wonder and creativity. Please allow that love to nurture and nourish you.Please allow that love to draw strength from your strength and allow strength and glory to free flow to you and through constantly until infinity. Please allow that love to see how majestic you are.Don’t hide your brilliance any longer. Don’t downplay yourself. Simply shine together. Please and thank. you. Please allow that love to voice its fears, then conquer them. Please allow that love to cry to you,then wash them clean and please allow that love to scream and then sing.
Even though it might feel or appear that it’s unexpected or undeserved you should realized that it is so well – deserved.
Even though there might be madness in this method. It’s love in it’s most powerful form and it’s all yours and that love is picking up every stone, thorn, knife, and broken piece to build a new heaven within you. Heaven is You.
That love is now taking every drop of poison and transforming it into pure bliss. HUG and KISS. New You.
I hope this finds your hearts well and full of delight
Keep glowing up