It is 6:42 p.m in rainy and windy MDE, I have been down and out and ill with some terrible infections and the seasonal flu for the past two months but I am up and running again!
I have reached about 42 weeks of self – development as of this week. I can tell you one thing; every week has brought its own challenges that have had me looking for answers and urgent solutions to unforeseen mishaps and depressive dips with some bouts of anxiety, that left me with sleepless nights and very socially anxious days. No worries. All is well. It is simply the motion of life. A beautiful, beautiful life. That can ONLY get better!
Why would I be momentarily depressed and anxious you might wonder?
The answer is simple. The solution complex. I am homesick. I miss my family, friends, neighbours , dogs ( one has already passed away RIP Lima), favourite foods and snacks. Things that can easily be sent to me via post and dropped right in front of my door. Things I dream about receiving as a huge surprise for my birthday or over Christmas. Things my ouma used to send to me once a month with my dad when he used to work in Paarl. My little goodie bag from ouma always had a Cadbury topdeck, a big packet of Simba chips, chutney flavour or cheese flavour, bees and kudu biltong and droëwors and R29 Vodacom airtime and my favourite deodorant exclamation, the blue bottle.
As a teenager, that care package helped me to identify and acknowledge what it meant to be taken care of. And how I should start taking care of myself,even though I did not do it as best as I should have, it was my very first lesson in self- development. My ouma taught me best. The truest truest form of love always poured from my Ouma onto me and into me. Till this day, she is still teaching me with her undeniable love.
Her stability and unconditional love shaped the powerful and ambitious woman that I am today. I can look back now and remember how I used to draw for her and write poems for her and to her. And she kept and displayed every single one. That’s how you empower a generation. You celebrate and instill tender, loving care into your daughters and grandchildren. I am so grateful I had both grandma’s in my life while I was growing up and I am so grateful that many of my female cousins and aunts portrayed and modeled power, independence, and growth to me. Nobody was left in the kitchen to cook and clean. We all have been working since our teenage years and we can now bear the fruit to the next generation.
Back to being homesick.
Let me tell you, there have been nights that I have had biltong and droëwors dreams. I am in Paarl at the slaghuis with the big cow on the side of the wall. I think it is the main street, near the small mall complex that has a Spar or something. I am going to buy some lekker nat biltong sonder vet and some vark wors. Then I drive home in our white toy and braai the vark wors outside in the yard while I am listening to my buurvrou and her kids talking and playing in the blow up pool. The slabs don’t bother me right now, because I am dreaming and as long as I hear their voices laughing, joking, playing music and shouting over the slabs for me to come over later for a drankie, I am at peace.
Another dream I sometimes have is when I used to work as an usher with some other friends at an amphi- theater near Distell. I can still taste the sparkling grape juice. It used to quench our thirsts at the end of a long, summery night after all the guests have left. We needed to carry those awkward seat covers back into the shed before we would run around and drink grape juice by the glass bottle.
My favourite dream, however, is when I am in my happy place, Struisbaai.The most southern tip of Africa. All the cousins are together at Tracey and Mikey’s house and there is no rush, no worries, no parents and no curfew because it is Woza December!
All of us are either at the beach having fun at Nostra or we might braai later at night. The boys will play some guitar and slat dumps outside because it hot and the weather is perfect for chilling until the next morning, to simply go to the beach again.
I can go on and on about my dreams, but in my current reality, nothing makes me happier knowing that home truly is where the heart is. And I have found that here in Colombia. My biggest wish is to one day share African home with my new Latin home. I will be waiting at the airport for everyone with open arms so that I can show them all the love and renewal that I have found.
With love and light
*Ek is lief vir julle en ek kan nie wag vir julle om te kom kuier nie!
18 May 2019