Good evening beautiful souls! I hope all is well wherever you might find yourself. It is around 7: 45 pm and today is 15 January 2019. Can you believe that January is already mid way?!? That is amazing is it not?
I started my self-development journey 24 weeks ago. Which equals to 6 months of resetting, re- evaluating , relearning , rediscovering and readjusting who and what and where I am in the world right now. I have also had to unlearn, unhinge, unwrap, uncoil, unpack and unfuck my life and myself in ALL areas. This is an ongoing journey with no due date just inner updates.
So I turn to a letter, something that is extremely personal but could be extremely helpful to you on your journey of living abroad or just being content with where you are and building on that by taking one of my laid out bricks.
I left China in April of 2017. This letter was written in March. 15 March 2017 to be exact. I wrote this, amongst other notes to self, to myself a month before I left China to move to Colombia. It has now been 21 months since I have arrived, nearing the two year mark and I am incredibly proud of myself. I have lost weight again ( see-saw ),that I have kept off. I have re -entered my health routine,I found an amazing chiropractor that identified the source(s) of my almost decade long back problem. I am settled – in and I am surrounded by the most amazing beings, all locals, who I met through work or mutual acquaintances. I am learning Spanish now. Avo is life and I could not have asked for a better environment to glow up in.
That said. Allow me to share this letter with you. I hope it finds you well. If you resonate with what is said, take it in. See it as your own reminder of your victories and battles won. If this inspires you to write a letter to your future self too, do so. You might be one of my loved ones back home, who since 2017 has become a new mom,or obtained their masters or moved across country to a different province.You might be fresh out of high school and thinking as big as your sight will allow. Maybe you are engaged to be married or beautiful newly – weds. All of the above are wonderful stages to be in. Get your glow on!
You might have entered your 40’s wanting to build the best future for yourself and your daughter or grandchild. You might be in your 50’s looking forward to retirement, sitting on the stoep ( porch or patio) and drinking rooibos tee ( a special bush tea in South Africa) every morning as you watch the world float by.
Do yourself a favour and write to yourself. Write to yourself as if you were writing to a best friend. Use your ink with kindness and mindfulness and upliftment and honesty.
To my international tribe, you all are definitely busy and buzzing with your own major goals of providing for your families back home, building your own businesses and just grinding while living your best lives. You are owning and slaying the world right now! Keep representing and keep shaking down barriers by being your powerful selves! I salute you all!
Marital status: Single, one dependent ( a pet ).
Social status: High ( I am extremely popular and my social life is buzzing with parties. Lacking true connections on a bigger scale).
Financial status: High salary but just getting by ( life costs more when you are a foreigner and do not speak the local language ).
Health: Down the drain (Even though I have done boxing and gone to the gym,visited a number of doctors and done many tests and scans,received different treatments, something else is not right, yet to find out what the source is ).
Sense of self: None ( I feel this way and I don’t really know why yet).
Sense of importance: Below average ( I don’t feel valued by my employers, I am just a number,not a human being).
Sense of belonging: Outcast, unwelcome, reject, weird, fix yourself before you enter- attitude where and with who I have been socializing.Not always,but at times this was the vibe.
Sense of humanity: If it exists, it might not be here amongst 2 billion and then some people.
Sense of stability: Well, unstable in my instability.
Sense of truth: It was and is all a lie.
Sense of hope: Through the roof.
Interpersonal ties: Few ( I have people who care about me,support me and love me but I always feel like a burden not a blessing to them).
Intrapersonal ties: Less than few ( I have forgotten who I am).
State of being: Broken, running on fumes, autopilot overload.
State of mind: Poverty mindset.
Letter to self before exiting China
‘ Dear future self.
If you are breathing fresh air, can get up in the mornings without pain and feel alive, you have progressed.
You’ve taken a big step in the right direction. If you are feeling healthier and have maintained a healthy weight, you have succeeded in following a better routine.
If you are feeling clear- headed, that means you are in remission. Remission is where you should be.
Remission means you are out of that cycle. Remission means you are breathing easier again.
Remission means you have recovered from the last two years of dark hell that consumed your life, your energy and most of your precious time.
If you are reading this right now, thank the people who continued to help you, not the ones who wanted to force-fit you into their molds. Thank the people who told you what you needed to hear, who encouraged you, who carried you and who kept pushing you to move forward one step at a time.
If you are reading this now, it means you are still taking stock. You are still growing and learning to be the best version of you. God and the Universe has kept you alive, not always well, but alive and semi-sane is better than being dead.
If you are reading this you have moved on from all your past harm. You don’t ever look back. You patiently wait for your turn at happiness. And when it comes you protect it and you honour it. You are not going to hold onto it for dear life, but you will cherish it. You have learnt that ” holding on ” to ” things” make you sick and lifeless.
So, if happiness comes around, let it in, but don’t force it. Don’t force anything. Learn to let things be. Build on a foundation of faith. Not madness, not other people and
not promises or IOU’s.
Just keep the faith.
Embrace your time on earth and gift your talent through your books, your cooking and your love. Your love will be returned to you ten fold. Soon. Your love will be appreciated and cherished. People are going to start standing up for you. They’ll see only your good attributes and help to foster those into even more powerful things.
I hope when you read this. You’ll feel it to. I’m asking you, “Me“, “Myself” and “I” that I’ll try. I’m going to give myself a fighting chance at life. Please learn to love
yourself more. Please appreciate yourself more. Please recognize your strengths and put yourself on a pedestal.
You are an amazing being. You love people without judgment. You pay attention to their needs. You are loyal to the death of a friendship. You give excellent
advice. You keep and protect secrets. You honour your bonds. You’re always available. You sacrifice your time to and for others.
Now, moving even further forward, you’ll have to be your own best friend. You’ll have to take action and control of your life. Where you live, how you live, with who you live and why you live is what should be at the forefront of your mind. Find your own tribe. Create a safe place for yourself. Don’t accompany the weak-minded sheep.
Find leaders. Find trailblazers. Find mutual respect and understanding. Find spiritual beings who appreciate real connections. People who like having deep conversations. People who bring out the best in you.
People who need and want to be seen ARE NOT your people. People who need and want to showoff ARE NOT your people.
People who care about their reputation ARE NOT your people. People who like you for your looks ARE NOT your people. People who want to be seen rather than known ARE NOT your people. Follow facts not faces.
Do not beg anyone for anything. Ask and if you are rejected, move along. Instill confidence into your being. You are almost 30 years old and you have lost what you used to carry with pride.
Get it back.
Find it and keep it.
You’re still as gorgeous as before. You just need to own it. Take your beauty to the next level.
Stop giving ” your nice” away. There are people who deserve your nice and people who take advantage of your nice.
Give to those who give back. Give to those who go out of their ways to meet your needs. Give to those who give first.
Don’t be fooled by expensive counterfeits like before.
Follow the facts not the faces.
God and the Universe will provide. Always.
I dedicate this one to all of you. Each of us are so majestic and so powerful that we can ONLY grow and flow and glow from strengths to strengths.
With Love and Light